Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Had a Cadbury’s Easter Crème Egg™ Like Me

Yes, I just gorged myself on an unseasonably early Easter Crème Egg, and man, did it hit the spot. It also makes me feel a little bit like rollerskating, but that’s because I was born in the 70’s and I remember every commercial I’ve ever seen. Marketing reaches me, what can I say?

I’m on the world’s most boring conference call so I decided to blog a bit. I sent my Coach and my parents directions etc. to the hospital where I’m going to deliver, which some people might think is excessively early but I call BEING PREPARED. And compulsive. And otherwise bored enough and trying to ignore other things enough to do so.

I finally got a full night’s sleep last night which felt AWESOME. It only happened because I screamed at Loud before he went out and he didn’t come home until mid-morning, but it was definitely worth it. I’ll scream at him like a crazy person every night if this is the result. I don’t feel like dying today, which is nice and a first for this week.

Junior is moving around more, and it feels pretty freaky. I guess she should enjoy the spaciousness of the penthouse suite while she can, before my uterus slowly downsizes her to a van down by the river. According to one of the billion emails I get from various websites and diaper companies on a daily basis, pretty soon people will be able to hear her heartbeat just by shoving their ears against my pudge, which is cool but it’s one of the milestones that makes me a little sad (no partner to share this with). But Coach will get a kick out of it. Speaking of Coach, I need to nag her about Junior’s website. I had my first inquiry about it yesterday, I was thrilled!

THIS WEEK’S STATUS
House: No showings, no offers, no movement, maximum depression
Junior: Lots of movement, increased hearing development and cravings for liquid sugar in hummingbird-like manner
Mental State: Increased brain mush, inability to focus or retain information, concerned about in-office meetings in Boston next week due to obvious cow-like stupidity
Physical State: Belly button very shallow, weight gained 12 lbs, stretch marks approaching neck, maximum laziness achieved