The Nanny Diary

This is a hard post for me to write, because as you all know, I don’t like to admit failure. Much like the first 8 months of trying to get pregnant, it’s frustrating for me to have a task set that I can’t deliver on. Right now I am falling down on at least two things; finding a house, and finding a nanny.

I went out again yesterday with my agent, and saw a lot of ‘definite no’s’. There was one ‘maybe’, but I’m not 100% sold on it. But is that because of real barriers to what I want, or just because I can’t let go of the other house I lost? What happens when I finally do make a decision, and the house has another offer, or I’ve run out of time? The house itself is ok – not that pretty on the outside, but a nice layout; lousy location, but reasonably convenient; priced ok, but full of the current owner’s stuff, so they’d have to have time to get packed and get out. The kitchen is on the small side, but the master is nice and the office is fantastic. I JUST DON’T KNOW (this is me, now breathing into a small paper bag).

On Saturday I interviewed my first potential nanny. On paper she’s great – good experience, a mother of a 17-month old, able to come to my home, literate and friendly. It was really tough to talk to her once it hit me that this was the person who might be responsible for Junior’s safety and well-being. It didn’t help that I had watched a local nanny cam expose on the news the night before, so I was all freaked out about that. In person Nanny X was very nice, and friendly. She was also 10 minutes late, which set me off right out of the gate (I’m a punctuality freak, in addition to all of my other Type-A charms), had her car seat in the FRONT SEAT of her car (she said it was because they had picked up some furniture or something, which is valid but wouldn’t you have moved it back for an interview like this?), talked non-stop about random things (didn’t directly answer some of my questions), and most of her answers about her experience were stories about her daughter. It’s nice that she’s a dedicated mother, but it certainly didn’t reassure me any that Junior would be her priority.

Now, I know that the person I hire isn’t going to be me, or do things the way I do them. And I know the nanny isn’t going to be perfect, and isn’t going to have every single quality I am looking for. I am having to work with so many different factors (location, availability, salary/benefits requirements, experience etc.) that it’s going to be tough to satisfy the list. But how can I trust my instincts and judgment if NO ONE will ever measure up? Am I being too tough? (the answer is ‘yes’, I know, but what is ‘too tough’ and what is ‘giving up and settling for someone who is going to pinch the baby when you’re not looking’?).

My sister has found the perfect nanny, which is awesome for her but just makes me think that Nanny X isn’t the right one, since I wasn’t leaping out of my seat to get her to sign a contract. I just worry that I won’t have that reaction to anyone, and I’ll miss out on a truly decent person in my quest for Junior’s Perfect Caregiver, who doesn’t even exist. And I really wasn’t expecting how emotionally tough it would be. Someone else. Who will take care of Junior. A stranger in my house.

To cheer myself up I went to a kid’s consignment sale at a local church, which was AWESOME. I got approximately one gazillion outfits for like 12 cents. And the stuff was nice, great quality, very fetching, and the people were really nice (I love church volunteers, I can’t help it, I could’ve stood and talked to them all afternoon). I am now really, seriously, officially cut off from buying any more clothes for Junior. I picked up a little pair of black patent shoes, which was the only ‘must-have’ wardrobe item remaining, and I now have enough stuff for an hourly outfit change the first six months of her fashionable life. So I’m done. Cut off. Nothing else!

Also, start the judging because I ate a Fish Filet sandwich from McDonald’s yesterday. I was horrified. I ate it in like 15 seconds, barely breathing between bites. I think it was gone before I pulled all the way out of the drive-through. I haven’t had a Fish Filet since I was 85 years old and needed some fish and Sanka after Bingo. No, seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever ordered one in my whole life (who the heck would order fish at McDonald’s? My grandmother and pregnant women, apparently, are enough to keep it on the menu). I guess it gave me what I needed, though, and it was probably slightly better than a rack of ribs or a whistle dog*. I also invented a terrific spring cupcake – Angel food with lemon buttercream frosting. If I hadn’t been lacking in eggs I would have also made some lemon curd to fill them, but as it was they are light and delicious and hit the spot. I think I shall go have one now.

*Whistle Dog – A delicacy served in my high-school cafeteria, I was unable to find the origin of the name but it is definitely a Canada-ism. A hot dog is cooked, split down the middle, and a cheese slice is melted into the split with a piece of cooked bacon. It’s the most delicious thing in the whole world, and possibly the LAST thing I should be eating while pregnant other than a raw shark sandwich with brie and tequila.