Today Junior is roughly the size and weight of a petit chou, or little cabbage. I have gained an alarming additional 4 lbs in the time it took me to write this post, and she's still going to pack on another 3-6 lbs in the upcoming weeks. I have started with the back pain, and last night fell getting into the tub. Yes, getting into the tub, as opposed to getting out of the tub (I would've felt much smarter if it were the other way around). I put my foot in, my foot decided it didn't want to hold up my weight on the slippery tub bottom, and I slammed my other leg into the side of the tub catching my huge fat balance. Of course I'm going to fall the very first night the guys move out, I'm sure I'll have all my terrible accidents now.In only vaguely related news, do you have any idea how many relative strangers have said the word ‘vagina’, it all its forms and variations, to me lately? In addition to the belly that people uncontrollably want to pat, I am a magnet for birth stories, no matter how horrifyingly descriptive or medieval or, uh, filled with naughty words. My mortgage broker, for god’s sake! I don’t need to hear that word from him when we’re clearly suppose to be having a very professional conversation about the state of my finances!
In 'Well, At Least I Got Out of the House' news, I went to a consignment sale last night that was suppose to be huge and awesome and fun. It was huge, but I also thought a lot of stuff was overpriced and kinda junky. Who are these people buying strollers that look like they were run over by a mini van in the driveway? And that shaky lopsided baby seat? Put that down, lady. There are things in this world that I definitely scrimp on (I bought a ton of $1 towels and receiving blankets and onesies), but something that contributes to Junior’s safety ain’t one of ‘em. The place was jam-packed with enormous sweaty bargain-hunting pregnant women, which scared me a little. And the room was hot, and I hadn’t eaten dinner, and I’d had a very long day without any sleep the night before, so I was grumpy. I picked up a couple really cute things for my niece, and some old Sesame Street books that I remembered from my childhood, and not a whole lot else. I went home, had a pear and a handful of grapes, and went to bed surly. The pee schedule has magically settled into a perfect every-two-hours, which suspiciously resembles a baby’s feeding schedule, and makes me want to bitch-slap Mother Nature. Although I never would have thought I could function with being woken up constantly, it seems I am doing it thus far, albeit without a screaming newborn.
Today I called the lawyer to make an appointment to discuss Junior’s dubious parentage and the mysterious Voluntary Waiver of Parental Rights document. I actually giggled when I had to explain to the receptionist what, exactly, type of Family Law I needed a consultation for. I’m very excited and grown-up feeling about it all, and I am sure Quiet will be very relieved when he hears that I have the appointment for the first week in April. Look at me! I’ve got a lawyer! I’m going to have a will and a living trust drawn up! I’ll have someone to fight my speeding tickets! I was so proud of myself for finally calling that I got on a scheduling roll and confirmed appointments for the Master Bedroom and Nursery to be painted in the new house the afternoon I close (shh, don’t jinx it), and the carpets to be cleaned the Friday afternoon before I move in. I can’t wait to hear what the douchebag sellers say about my inspection report requests, which were extremely reasonable but they'll probably balk on.
In 'Well, At Least I Got Out of the House' news, I went to a consignment sale last night that was suppose to be huge and awesome and fun. It was huge, but I also thought a lot of stuff was overpriced and kinda junky. Who are these people buying strollers that look like they were run over by a mini van in the driveway? And that shaky lopsided baby seat? Put that down, lady. There are things in this world that I definitely scrimp on (I bought a ton of $1 towels and receiving blankets and onesies), but something that contributes to Junior’s safety ain’t one of ‘em. The place was jam-packed with enormous sweaty bargain-hunting pregnant women, which scared me a little. And the room was hot, and I hadn’t eaten dinner, and I’d had a very long day without any sleep the night before, so I was grumpy. I picked up a couple really cute things for my niece, and some old Sesame Street books that I remembered from my childhood, and not a whole lot else. I went home, had a pear and a handful of grapes, and went to bed surly. The pee schedule has magically settled into a perfect every-two-hours, which suspiciously resembles a baby’s feeding schedule, and makes me want to bitch-slap Mother Nature. Although I never would have thought I could function with being woken up constantly, it seems I am doing it thus far, albeit without a screaming newborn.
Today I called the lawyer to make an appointment to discuss Junior’s dubious parentage and the mysterious Voluntary Waiver of Parental Rights document. I actually giggled when I had to explain to the receptionist what, exactly, type of Family Law I needed a consultation for. I’m very excited and grown-up feeling about it all, and I am sure Quiet will be very relieved when he hears that I have the appointment for the first week in April. Look at me! I’ve got a lawyer! I’m going to have a will and a living trust drawn up! I’ll have someone to fight my speeding tickets! I was so proud of myself for finally calling that I got on a scheduling roll and confirmed appointments for the Master Bedroom and Nursery to be painted in the new house the afternoon I close (shh, don’t jinx it), and the carpets to be cleaned the Friday afternoon before I move in. I can’t wait to hear what the douchebag sellers say about my inspection report requests, which were extremely reasonable but they'll probably balk on.
I had the hospital tour yesterday, which would've been more fun if the volunteer had actually shown up and we hadn't sat and waited 1 1/2 hours for them to drag out a disgruntled hearing specialist to show us around. The hospital has its pros and cons, of course (no free doula support, labor and postpartum aren't the same room; rooms are nice and have wireless and DVD players, hospital is 467 miles closer to my new house). I wanted to make out with the smart woman on the tour who thought to ask if we had control over the temperature in our postpartum room (answer, 'Yes'!), since nothing is more important right now than maintaining a nice 37 degree environment for the little hotbox inside me. There was actually frost outside yesterday morning, and I had slept with the windows open again. Thank you again, Jesus, for not letting me be pregnant in August in NC.
This weekend - the Childbirth Class!
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