I Swear, I'll Post Something Other Than Work Stuff Soon

It would be funny if it were happening to someone else. No, really, it’s like a Marx Brothers routine (or something way more current but equally goofy). One step forward and nine steps back is how this week has gone. None of the real working resources will commit to anything, so we keep subbing in other people, who just screw things up further and frustrate the client, and then the original resource comes back and spends a day undoing what the sub did. I’ve been informed that we’re most likely going to need to be back on Monday since we’re going to miss tomorrow’s deadline (ignore, for a moment, the fact that I HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE AND THE RESOURCES DOING THE WORK ARE NOT HERE ONSITE). It makes this little vein on the left side of my head throb to think about it. I missed a mandatory team call this morning and my boss hasn’t called me back yet (which in retrospect is good, it means he hasn’t been able to yell at me or fire me yet).

On an interesting side note, I think I have proven another form of gaydar. I haven’t coined a term for it yet, but it’s the ability in gay men to spot a gay-man-friendly woman. I have encountered it several times before but thought it might just be because I’m friendly, or a coincidence, or how gay men treat all women. But I now have enough experience to know this isn’t the case.
The reason I bring it up is because it’s happened twice so far on this work trip. Once was at the restaurant last night and once in the office. We had a nightmarish trip to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, which I hate, but Dumb and Dumberer apparently love. It was raining, and I was driving, and they kept shrieking harpy-like directions at me, and then it was hailing, and then they waved their hands and yelled that I parked 1.2 feet away from a closer parking space and made me move the car so that I totally lost it and roared, ‘OH MY GOD!’ at the top of my lungs, swerved into the space, and ran out of the car into the rain, leaving them to try and wait out the storm/tornado. So I was finally alone for five seconds and went to get us on the waitlist, and this precious little host raised an eyebrow at me and said, ‘Hon, I just love what you’ve done with your hair’. I said, ‘You like it? I’m going for derelict, I worked VERY hard on it’ and he just about lost it. So we had a lovely chat until D&D came in and started to moo about how fancy the restaurant was and how we had to go look at the bathrooms. Very humiliating.

Then this morning, the IT Manager came over to my little temporary cubicle and introduced himself, and started recommending some restaurants to me, and eventually used the phrase, ‘Because I –certainly- don’t look like this after work hours when this costume comes off’, and might as well have snapped his fingers. It’s funny because he’s older and bald and I would bet no one in his office knows since I’m in Bible McJudge-a-lot land and he presents himself as very gruff and straight-and-narrow. Anyhow, he certainly hasn’t talked to D&D, who would both put him on some sort of cross covered in ants and gasoline (the little bites between the flames are very painful, trust me). I know this because among Dumb’s riveting dinner topics last night were stories about Granny’s bunions, a preacher-visiting-for-dinner mishap that I won’t torture you with, and one about her grandson who is quite obviously gay from the details of the story she told but the story was about her concerns for him not being married or having kids yet. And she picked her nose in our 3:00 meeting with all the executives. And she has this habit of sitting in an office chair slouched down, with one arm flung over the back of it so that her Tweedledum-like stomach rolls are more prominent. Very professional. And that’s what I’ll get to come back to next week.