Dear Internet,Please let me go home today. Let the flight to Chicago be sunny and clear, and let the flight to Raleigh not be delayed or cancelled. Just let me go home. And, if you could, let me stay at home. Make the useless resources working on this report see the light and finish the deliverable, today, so that I don’t have to come back again to this God-forsaken patch of cold dirt on Monday. Shine your benevolence upon my pitiful countenance; reward the silent bearing of my burdens I have endured in the face of the client and my boss these past two weeks. Heal my emotional and physical pains; the stabbing, ever-constant abdominal ache that has developed over the past few days and kept me awake nights, and let it not be an ulcer or something worse. Forgive my sin of over-confidence that this report could ever be completed. Judge me, for I have judged my coworkers and found them unworthy, especially when one said, ‘Don’t put cilantro in that!’ to your obedient servant making the guacamole last night, and I did covet the cilantro.
Lead me not into temptation to beat my coworker with a shoe, and deliver me from the evil that is Kansas City.
Just let me go home.
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