It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I feel fine)

At long last, Loud has come out and admitted he’s not happy. Unfortunately, he has also come out as being selfish and immature (see my less-than-convinced thoughts on ‘polyamory’ below).

So, in an exhaustive and inappropriately timed conversation that took place in front of the deli counter at Kroger, he is, in a word, done. I’m not even going to go into all the stuff that’s between him and Quiet, but essentially he is done with suburban living and all that entails. He’s exhausted with the demands of managing a house this size (because he’s done soooooooooooo much), he’s stressed out by his controlling bitch of a housemate, and he’s tired of living hand-to-mouth because of the high mortgage and all the bills. I think he was slightly disappointed that I didn’t freak out, but really, as if I hadn’t been expecting this? Does he think Quiet and I are idiots? (wait, don’t answer that). It’s a relief, really, and maybe now he’ll at least be a bit more stable in the meantime, and I can start planning what the next move will be. And by ‘move’, I mean, move. Egh. I can’t even cope with thinking about that. Word on the street is, we have to live in the house at least two years to avoid paying capital gains tax. I really don’t know what that is, but if it accompanies the word ‘pay’, I don’t want to do it. And we barely made it six months, another 18?! But if we’re selling the house, then we’ll likely need to re-paint everything we just did, plus save for movers and all that mess again, plus another down payment for somewhere else…

And what does this really mean? Do Loud and Quiet and I all each get our own places? Or will Loud smarten up long enough to avoid making the biggest mistake of his life, and get another place with Quiet, and I get something on my own? The sad thing is, he already knows he’s in the process of a huge mistake, yet he’s so paralyzed with, well, stupidity, that he can’t stop himself. So where do I go? I can’t see myself adjusting to a new housemate, yet it’s been nice not being by myself. It’s a shame that the whole mess is wrapped around Loud and Quiet’s relationship, which makes it that much more painful and awkward. I’d consider getting a place with Quiet, but it would be more of a me-buy-he-rents kind of thing to keep it simple, like Jemily's. And all this is just silly speculation anyhow, because who has time to think about horrible things like this actually happening? According to Quiet, Loud quite regularly goes through these fits of questioning, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s right about us living together. It’s bad for everyone, and we all know it already, and nothing is going to make that any better or any different. What does this do to baby plans? Well, much like the rest of the situation, who the heck knows.

Polyamory

Loud and I have had a number of very vocal discussions about this concept, which I struggle with as a close-minded rabidly monogamous straight woman. I have lots of theories about cheating, and why people cheat, and the excuses they make to themselves and others, and I just can’t accept polyamory as a valid lifestyle choice; I just don’t think we’re wired that way. I don’t think that there is a single ‘right’ person for each of us either, but I don’t see the benefits of multiple relationships, and I don’t see how this could exist with really and truly no hurt feelings or want for something more ‘traditional’. My take on it is, well, selfishness and fear, mainly – wanting to have the cake and eat it too, with no real responsibility or commitment or any of the bad stuff that you usually have to deal with in order to appreciate the good. I told Loud he should talk to a therapist, that even if he doesn’t get answers he might get some good questions, but he seems to think he’s the most qualified to deal with his issues (HA!) and refused, as usual, my excellent advice.