Family Matters

It’s no secret that my sister makes me crazy. We have very different lifestyles, priorities, tastes, friends, you name it. I was astounded when she announced her pregnancy because, for the 30+ years up to that moment, she had sworn she did not want to have children. She was never big on babysitting, and while she was friendly to babies and small children and certain animals, she never freaked out over them like some people tend to.

Throughout her pregnancy I viewed photos of her changing body and listened to morning sickness stories with a certain detachment, like I wasn’t really sure the whole thing was going to work out or something. I guess part of me was just totally incredulous that life had turned out this way, and that MY sister, my YOUNGER sister, was doing this – and doing it before me. I never identified a distinct sense of jealousy because I just plain refused to accept that, in nine months time, she would have a little person put into her arms while I was still peeing on test strips and shooting myself up.

It was very exciting when she delivered this weekend after 18 hours of labor and no drugs. Yes, you heard that correctly. 9 lbs of fat head with no medical assistance. That’s just not natural. I am planning on having a very 1950’s-style labor, where they shoot me full of all kinds of chemicals that have horrible affects on the baby and I drift off to a pleasant sleep, then am awoken and handed the clean and sweet-smelling baby (who cares if it’s mine or not? Screw the whole experience thing). I was a proper proud auntie, dutifully notifying my friends and posting pictures and providing all the details. Since I’m not allowed to go visit til June at the earliest, I still have felt very removed from the whole thing.

About 15 minutes ago I was ordering my new niece her first pair of Skechers when I decided to call and check in. My awesome mum is there with them for a few days, so I figured it was safe to call and ask her how it was going, how nursing was progressing, blah blah blah. Everything’s awesome, my sister and brother-in-law are very easy-going parents (so far), small talk small talk. And then Amelia cried. My mother said, ‘Hold on, that’s her, let me hold the phone up to the baby monitor so you can hear her’. She did so, and I totally surprised myself by promptly bursting into tears. Luckily I was able to compose myself when my mother started talking again, because heaven forbid in my family we talk about how we really feel (or at least I wouldn’t want to get into that while she was still at their place).

So, uh, yeah. Apparently it’s real. My sister has a baby and I don’t, and I’m jealous and frustrated and wish I could be there and am in awe and since I’m totally blubbering all over myself again I must be PMSing and therefore the most recent attempt didn’t work. Again. Argh. But ‘Amelia Jane’, how damn cool is that? That’s my niece, and she has an aunt far away in North Carolina who loves her already.