The Devil's Arithmetic

I just spent 5 days in Cincinnati with my cousins. I love the ‘Nati, and I love that part of my family. I feel closer to a couple of them than I do to my own siblings, which may be normal but always makes me a little melancholy.
My closest cousin has made an incredibly life-altering decision that he’s been considering for the past two years, and is entering the Seminary this fall. As if people still do that! What surprises me are the little details that I found out about it, and about him. He’s already becoming a different person, and that scares me – I didn’t think it would happen so fast. Or maybe he’s been changing into that new person so slowly I didn’t notice until now?
I was really looking forward to getting away and relaxing, but it didn’t turn out like I expected. All my worries and nightmares were safely packed in my suitcase and stayed with me the whole time. There’s this great spiral of work-Loud-house-baby-work-Loud-house... (you get the idea). It just goes around and around and there’s no resolution, no easy answers. One day I think I’ve got something but it escapes through my fingers the more I try to grip it, and the next day I’m lost again. I did get some damn fine chili though.

Some updates on the above spiral:

Work – I had a good interview with a good company and just need to get them the paperwork before they can make an offer. I am exactly 50/50 on whether to take it if offered. I got an internal email this morning about a position at my current company, so will have that interview Monday morning. Nothing else has panned out. I need to stop applying for Project Management stuff since I loathe it.

Loud – Is a bad friend. There, I said it out loud to the world. That’s as far as I got this weekend, but I think it’s a big step. He will always be able to come up with creative excuses and reasons why, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept them or even live with them. Acceptance of non-acceptance. I think that will help, although don’t get me wrong, it’s still painful and sad, and I am not yet sure what the implications are.

House – I called the old and new real estate agents and the mortgage broker so things are moving along. No sense worrying until I actually get the bad news that we won't be able to sell until 2010 if we don't want to lose our shirts.

Baby – The fifth attempt felt really positive, for no good reason that I can substantiate. But of course, I’ve felt that way before and look where it got me. So I refuse to get blog-happy about everything until I get that confirmation. Which is irritating, because when this DOES happen, I will have forgotten all the little details about the first few weeks that I really wanted to remember, the things that made me start this blog in the first place. I just look like a crazy person if I keep thinking so positively every single time. I’m the girl who cried ‘Baby’. Even if it didn’t work, I definitely feel more comfortable with the process now, like I’m finally getting it ‘right’ (or, as close to ‘right’ as one gal on her own can).