Lady Luck is a Transvestite Who Hates Me

My week sucks.

First, there was, well, you know, The Doctor's Appointment.

Then, the totally awesome rockin’ Def Leppard concert was cancelled because of a teensy bit of rain. And wind. And lightening. And falling trees. And deaths. So then I decided to treat myself to a cheap and convenient McDonald’s sundae (because nothing says 'Sorry Your Concert Was Rained Out!' like a dollar’s worth of frozen milk-like substance). But instead, the sundae said 'Sorry About the Stomach Punctures!' since it was full of shards of broken industrial-grade plastic. Yes, I said Def Leppard. I was only going because Gowan is now the lead singer for Styx (that probably doesn't make me seem any less dorky, does it?).

Of course you've all heard about Joanie and her Twirling Baton of Terror, and that afternoon was a dentist appointment where surprise! I had the uppers attached for my invisalign, and now my whole mouth aches with struts and vise-like gripping things and, well, shards of plastic. It hurts to take it out, it hurts to chew, it hurts to talk, it hurts to put it back in. So I figure I just won't do any of those things for, well, the next 10 months. I had a Slim Fast shake for lunch and just finished a lame yogurt smoothie, and now I'm ready to try eating the glass with my stupid convenient invisible braces because I'm so hungry, yet such a huge wus about the pain.

Next I tried desperately trying to get on the reservation list for the chef’s table at Starlu for dinner Wednesday night, since my dear friend of a friend was celebrating her 40th birthday, and, much like yours truly, nothin’ says lovin’ like someone serving you five custom-made courses. No dice. We went anyhow, and two of the gals hated their meals, which was annoying, because how can you hate salt? Some people are so weird.

Last night there was a notable lack of ovulation, which bummed me out, and I pretty much just watched Lifetime and whined. This evening will probably be more of the same. I'm fixin' for a stabbin' because tonight is Loud's Rocky Horror Picture Show debut as Frank-N-Irritating, so you can just imagine the hijinks that have ensued today. His Number One Fan got here about an hour ago but I doubt that she's here to hobble him, unfortunately. I'm excited to listen to them shriek and giggle for the 7 hours it takes to squeeze him into an ill-fitting handmade corset and close-but-no-cigar makeup. I would take and post pictures, but really, it's just too depressing. Plus I still don't want to get sued, no matter how bitter I am.

$1 for whoever does this to Loud, slowly and painfully.

And then knock on it, for luck for me. And to hurt him more.

Maybe the weekend will bring me something new and fun. I just found out the rockin' concert was rescheduled for Monday night, when I am conveniently in Boston, so I'm not too hopeful yet. AND Loud just told me that there will be a whole joyous houseful of Rocky-ites here shortly for a final dress rehearsal. Kill me, please.